Sunday, March 30, 2008


Some of my fans have reported to me that Most of my civilian readers are Guys, aged 20-35 and containing an infinite supply of hair ( to quote an Old villager's song, "cut it off comes right back bloke again"). This brings me to tonights topic:


OK. This will requiare some serious planning, because you don't want it to turn out like a DISASTER where your dead body ends up clogging the pipes in the reservior so to speak, and little kids wont be able to get any water because ur diseased corpse stank it all up.

First off it is a good thing you came to Me. I have many knowledagbel sources, but i usually don't take info from them because I know the knowledge. Let's get to Steps:


1. No romantic "horny music". This will make you look like a FOOL. No girl likes to hear a song about how much King Louis the 20 or whatever wants to kiss toes to her. outrageous!!!!!!

2. Bring a huge flower from your personal garden. If you bought in in a store GIRLS CAN TELL because it is in a bag that says "A&P" on the side. This can get very embarassing if you mess up. ask a chinese person they will tell you.

3. Keep asking her questions during the movie. If she thinks you care about what is going on in movies instead of staring at her face she will think she loves you.

ps. #3 really works

4. Tell a Joke! Everyone knows the old limerick about the knockout ring of j-beans, but Girls won't laugh. They might laugh but it is the kind of laugh you do when you hear that 1100 iriquois were killed in the morning paper. NO GOOD. Instead, Tell her a classic joke that you make up on the spot like what I always do. "What did farmers do before there was TV? WORK ALL DAY in the Fields mowing down pig crops, baby" *ps BABY isnt part of the joke but if you personalize it like that their hair turns red.


1. DON'T use any liquaidizer/autocannon while she is watching. If some men are troubling you with loud beats or sextalk, you should ask her to go buy you some conditioner, soap, deodaorant or other toilettries while you do your business. Bleive me, I kill like 150 men in one night and my girlfriend never knows about it becuase she is buying me all this crap.

2. DON'T tell her any information. if she asked you what your town name was, your birtday or last name tell her "ASDF" for each she wont know the differnance. ON ALL CONDITIONS DO *NOT* SHOW HER YOUR VICTORY CARD! I REPEAT! I made this mistake when i was like 2 years old i showed my date my victory card.

3. if she starts yelling about something run away.

if you follow these instructions cluefully, you will have a Beautiful girl saying "I love you" before the clock strickes five.

You don't have to thank me just instead you can spray paint "Sarge Rules" on your car's forehead. thanks for that

1 comment:

Elin said...

You are the strangest man in the history of the world. I love you.