WELL here it is Ladies and Gents, the artical you have waited for your whole rat-stink life. Sarge's EXPEDITION into the frontaer of RELIGAN! Perpare for a battle of the mights in this 2000'th centruy old debate about WHAT ONE IS RIGHT!
1 - Christanity - This is probaly the right one i think becuase most peoples moms can be located inside the church chapel at most times of day.
MAIN CHARACTER: Jesus - This guy supposedly had no strength powers, he just said some things about Roman infadels and got beat - bad. then his girlfriend ran over to him and tended to his headwound. Great story, keep 'em comin' GOD!! HAHAHAHA
MAIN TENETS: A "TENET" is not what you would think it is (a large calibar infantry machine gun turret), its a belief sort of. The christians belief if you put a cross on your fore head you are holy and become immune to stabbing.
OVERALL RATING: 7/10 Not bad, it gets bonus for probably being the right one. Kind of a gay hippie charactor just ruined it for me though. Sucks.
2 - Islamism - This is the "Desert Belief" it is called in the Desert. I believe they like moons.
MAIN CHARACTER: Mohamad. He was a powerful warrior who slayed 5,000 immagrants with one chop of his rusty scimitar. Pretty awesome but guess what, bad news: he told everayon in the desart to wear long scarfs, its TOO HOT dummy, what is this Jeopartdy for Kids??!?!? sucks.
MAIN TENETS: Mostly the Islamisists spend their days killing americans but they also believe in not eating cows I think. WHo would want to eat a damn COW thats gross !
OVERALL: 8/10 This reliagion is WAY more cooler than the other one (i forget what its caalled) but it gets some minus points becuase it is probably a lie told on to us by Satan's Mischief.
3 - Hinduism: This is the genre of fighting called "Yoga Flame". Mostly it encourages the stretching of limbs and shootin' damn fireballs librarlly.
MAIN CHARACTER: Dhalism - he is good range fighter with lots of range attack but i would rather play as Ryu becuase of the "dragging upper cut" attack. Either way you can't lose by picking CHUNK LEE!!! (jk) (shes a girl)
TENET: Doing stretching exercise. Not bad but could be cooler like with a sports car.
OVERALL: ??? / 10 This rating is impossible to calculate i do not have all the necesary methods. One thing about being a geniuas is knowing when you don't have the answer and right now I am missing serveral component. I have asked my denizens to work for me on it.
4 - BUDDHAMS: Alloy, A-Joy! It's the reliagon of choise for most intelactuals.
Main CHARACTER: "Buddy" the troublesome warlike dog god. he's REALLY great.
TENET: None viiolence, don't preach it to the choir, "don't stop what you can't handel", many other slogans of wisdom come from this noble religan.
OVERALL: 10/10 Best religan ? Yea. Is it true tho no that crown rests on the Jesus with his bloody sins.
5 - ATHIEST: No! Don't do this one it's gotta be bad for all the relics of sin it's brought upon this great land.
Main Character: "NOTHING" this tribal BS doesn't have any major profits or tenets, i sometimes wonder if they even believe in GOD
TENET: No tenets except "Make Rich Quick" schemes and pyrmaid schemes meant to "Make You Rich quick". THanks but No thnaks im sticking with a Jesus or a even the Marvin the Martian makes more sense than this CRAP!!!
OVERALL: 8/10 Good work but unforutaneyl - YOUR RELIGNA IS EVIL YOU PRICK!!!! hahahahaa just kidding keep putting signs on your lawn that say 'i killed babies'
AGNOSTIAC: Oh no help i need help!!!! that's you.
Main Character: Mr. IDONTKNOWMYNAME, some cartoonish captain who always gets into some hijink where his underwear gets removed and strung up on a phone line, embarrassing.
TENETS: The main tenat is "Dont know anything about NOTHIN'. if you call this a tenit you really seriouesly need to go to the bathroom and PUKE OUT a viscous SWEAR WORD CHUNK.
OVERALL: 0/10 Dumb and Dumber called! He wants his MOVIE BACK
So in concluarions, most religans are crap, but seriously, ya gotta pick one or else when you die it's "ATHIEST HELL FOR YOU". So pucker up and say a damn prayer becuase otherwise, it's "ATHIEST HELL FOR YUO".