Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Sarge Investiagions EPISODE ONE

You know how sometimes things seem to "Phase" into and out of existence, like theres a mirror and then a picture of a damn bicycle floats out and then the next minute its practically gone? This sounds like a job for SARGE in his INVESTAGIONS.

First off, I am a profesional. You don't have what it takes. Don't try it yourself you will be reverted back and crushed into your grave.

First you will need several tools (like a wrench I guess or whatever). Then you can move on to step #2:

First, step into the mirror entering a trans dimaiensional portal, and hence, a new world. Sometimes a new world will be born at the flash of the moment. You will see some lights and it will be a reporter, he'll ask you about if you know who killed anybody, just say "no to all" and he will quickly remove himself.

Once you're in a new dimeonson, you might want to make a new friend. Walk to the parlor across the street (IF THERE EVEN IS A PARLOR, god damned wacky worldes!) and ask the wench for a tap of Ale. She will have a sterling Bosmo which you can glance upon quickly but if she sees you then you will need that hammer I talked about for self defense (hammer her face in! kill her!!!!!)

Next you will need a place to live, perhaps an old log or a honeywood mansion will do. I recommend the guy named Chugs, he lives at 255 crescent street. He's 5 10, 200 and fifty pounds, and gott attitude?? HELLLLL YEAHHHH. Chugs will be your loyal mate throughout the rest of your time in Marksdam Post (thats the name of the town you landed in i bet).

Throughout all this fun and games you might want to check if you were plugged into the internet. I saw this motive "The Matrix Trickssters" and it was about a gang who thought they had the upper hand but at the end of the movie Keanu reeves reaches on his back and feels a CORD!! and then he goes "Oh damn it was all a dream!!!" and then it cuts to him really quick as a humming bird which i guess is his "true form" real quick and then it says THE END and then the machine spits out the VHS tape and it falls on the floor. (If this happens, and you rented the tape from Block Buster, i know a guy who fixes Block Buster tapes, he also has a wild-o guitar habit, he can play you some of his new CD! His name is Ron Clifford btw)

Probably the tape will be fine, and you will end up being like "What did I just waste my time for?" but then you will look over on your pillow and theres a big pot of beer just sitting there waiting for someone to drink it. So here's how the math works out:

Don't take sarge's Advice:

u get NOTHING for winning (i mean losing), and maybe a HS displomba for winning or something

Take Sarge's Advice: (this is the good one)

u get an ETHEREAL experience which u can hold over your friends head, and if you lose? So what, you were on the internet looking at some weird picture for like 20 minutes, big deal, so what who cares?

Anyway I hoped this helps.

PS do not read this article (if you are afriad of ghosts becuase you might see a ghost between your eyes and the screen and I dont want to be responsible for the poop bills.

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