Whoaaaa!!!! Don't lose your balance, kid!
That's right, the SWINE FLU is here, and that means its time to rassle up all your medications, crunch em' down into a fine powder and make some KOOL AID with it. Beleive me, once this pig flu gets its filthy grips on you you're gonna die, so You'll need all the help you can GET!
Swine flu, or "pig diseased" as it is known in the commercials, involves you getting whats comin' to you in the form of an AIRBOARNE VIRUS. Your field of vision will become CLUTTERED with blood-drenched popups of DOOM, saying things like "CLICK HERE TO AVOID A POTHOLE" and you'll try to click there, stabbing out your own eye, and then falling in the pothole too, ya chump!
Several doctors have been dispeatched to the scene, where there have been 200 or like 1000 dead bodies with a GRIMACE on their face. SARGE went to the scene and did some interviews.
DOCTOR STEVENCE: "THE OPPONENT WAS FOUND DEAD & DOA ON THE SCENE. I TOUCHED HIS HEART AND IT WAS LIKE TOUCHING A COLD LEMON, I TOLD HIS WIFE I LOVED HER AND WE ARE GOING TO LAST VEGAS!!!!"
NURSE WILLIAMS: "I LOCATED THE CORPSE UNDERNEATH THE GIGANTIC CELERY STALK. THE CORPSE WAS SAD. I KICKED THE CORPSE TO MAKE SURE IT WAS DEAD. THEN IT MOVED!!!!! BUT THE DOCTOR SAID THATS BECUASE I KICKED IT HE IS SMART AND I THINK HE AND I ARE IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER"
A NEARBY VOICE: "I SAW THE DISEASE COME OUT OF THE GROUND, IT SPRAYED AND SPRAYED, JUST LIKE A VOLCANO OF DISEASE!"
ANONYMOUS: "MY NAME IS LENNON."
THats right! Next time someone asks you WHO DID THE REPORTING when Swing disease killed Grandma & Grandpa, IT WAS ME. PS. also I crunched some dude this week who was parked in my spot i was like "YOU WANNA GET JACKHAMMERED CREEP?" he was like "no cmon stop" and i just took a bunch of hard oats and rubbed them in his eyes HOW DO YOU LIKE OATS? HUH? ANSWER ME DO YOU LIKE OATS OR NOT????
-Sgt Facepuncher, M.D.