Thursday, May 7, 2009

How To Fix a Fuckin CAR


Sarge Here ! Today's artical deals with the tremedously (SPELLING BEE HINT: it means many) important topic of Car Repairs. We will deal with the biggest problem first, this is a problem that hundreds of hot women have and they come up to me about it and chat. This is what they say:

1. "My Car's Broken!"

Don't worry, Sarge'll have a look-see, I tell them. Then I go to the car, perform a SMASHKICK on the hood until it opens, and then I say "heres your problem right here" then when they look, I look at them and shake my head and think to my self "what a DUMB IDIOT you are, you stupid dumb dumbass prick." They obviously didnt read my blaog because look what we have here!:

2. "There's a Banana stuck in the pipe"

Some J.O crammed banana guts into the tailpipe causing all kinds of rampant graphite combustion and loud bangs. So I reach in there with a spoon and a goblet and i aggresively SPOON OUT that jazz into the goblet. Then, then next morning i usually dump the dirty smooshed banana on her face while she is sleeping and have the guys over to come over to her place and play some HALO!!!! She did get her car fixed but now she looks RIDICLOUS!



So we start on level 1, where you fight the Aliens. My friend Tommy had a pusle rifle and he kept shooting the alien and i was like look at your hand its all greasy, stop getting so worried that I am going to beat you. Which brings me to my third point

3. On the 4th level after a big cutscene involving the character "Master Cheif", there is an alien hiding behind the door with a LASER [Warning that was a bit of a SPOILER]. Dont be like Tommy and get your ass GAUSSBOMBED by a goddamn gatling LAZER.

If you can manage to get to the end of the game you will unlock a special CLOCK/CLOAK ability which allows you to TRAVEL TIME UNSEEN! The aliens are going to be sorry they messed with YOU. Also there is a code you can push at the beginning, its ASDF and if you type it you beat the game. PS one of the aliens looks like a frog



I hope that i have helped you in your quest!! KEEP SHOOTIN' GRAND-MAAAA! I leave you with the US Marines Corpse Singalong Slogan:


"Kill 'Em Now, Or Kill 'Em Later, Kill Their Dads And then Fall In Love"

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