Monday, June 29, 2009


So a lot of you are probbaly thinking, "What the F happened to Michael Jackson??? He was just dancing on my TV and now he is dead HARD on a cold slab?" Answer: Got Gaussbombed?

The truth is, Gaussbombs have been flying around a lot lately. My friend Kevin or Tommy recently was GAUSSBOMBED TO HELL in a game of Halo (WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO!!! just kidding). But gaussbombs are nothing new. Just because HALO 2 came out and (now halo 3? What in the world? Gosh!)."

So now I know what you're thinking. Let me guess what you're thinking. You're thinking "Sarge, I want to USE this gaussbomb technology - on the face of the human race!" Well, too bad. You can't.

There is one way that you can but it will require a lot of Tactics, Smarts, and goddammit, only the Coal-kickin' card-holder SARGE can fit THIS bill. Throw a SAVAGE DISCUS at the problem - and when it explodes, you know who will get the most blood. It's sarge. I think so.

You may be wondering "how can it be? Gaussbombs weigh like 100 pounds and thats when im DRUNK! How do you do it every day and RAMP UP THE HEAT for hte competeition????? WHat the HELL!?!?" The answer is twofold. One: I pump chow all goddamn day. Two. My gaussbombs have a easy to carry handle! You can slide the handle off and put it in your wallet, in your bed, or in your lady's drink for a night she won't recall......

Anyway, I hope that I have helped you a lot, I know that I have, and I leave you with a Poem. It is called "Poem of Glass (I am a Poet now)"

"I sing you a Poem of Glass
I gaussbomb your ass
I guassbomb your ass
First I go AWOL in a totally cool helicopter
and bust a fat bomb up your fat ass bitch"

Thank you.


Marmalade Assfistburger said...

Kudos for your effort, but you seem a bit shady on a number of points. Tommy was born long before the proliferation of electricity and therefore could never have played Halo in any of its incarnations. Whereas Kevin was never your friend, he just had a crush on your sister and liked your mom's cooking. For more information I'd suggest you read Einstein and Gauss: 21st Century Monsters by Dr. Marmalade Assfistburger, Esq. Good luck in your studies!

Sgt. Facepuncher, M.D. said...

Let me check the COMPUTER ok???





Well, that about Sums it up. !!!!

Marmalade Assfistburger said...

The state of my face, "unfortunate" or otherwise, has little relevance to the subject at hand. If you actually perused any of the articles I link to in my Curriculum Vitae you would discover that no one likes you.

Sgt. Facepuncher, M.D. said...

WHAT oh no a GIRRRLL is making fun of my small ROCKAT LAUNCHER??? PLease get REAL. Recent poll asked who everyone liked better, me or Michale Jacksone. Guess what, he's dead, I guess that means I win (AGAIN)