Monday, August 17, 2009

Baseball: EXPLAINED!

Well it's baseball season folks! Batter Up!

DOG: "woof ! I broguth your ball back to you

KICKASS SARGE: "thats not a ball thats some crap, now you shall die!!!!" sarge pulls out a revolver and says "kiss the sky creep" then shoots his dog in the face. :)

Seriously though folks, if you have ever had this problem then you know what I'm talking about: BASEBALL. In baseball there are many teams each vying for victory. We will go in depth about the rules, players and scoreboards for the final season.

RULES: One man stands on a pillow and uses a gun that shoots balls to send the other men scampering about in fear. The first man to be hit with a ball is considered "out", which is actually a good thing for him, because after that a character named Mr. Met comes out and starts headbutting families until one team wins! This creates a tense situation where everyone is like "call off the stupid game, dont you realize a man has been murdered???" The first team with the most points wins!

PLAYERS: Everyone knows Daryl Strawberry, because he is famous. But most people do not realize there are hundreds of thousands of new baseball players every year. Professional baseball fans learn about each new man, his favorite "battying angle", and how much lunch he needs daily. I prefer not to know who these men are, because some people have better things to do than watch "baseball".

SCOREBOARDS: Here's where it gets interesting!

SEASONS: During the winter, baseball men usually sleep face down in the dirt. They are dirty people. During the spring, they awaken, their faces all dirty with dirt and anamal feces, and they are like "what where am i". After weeks of this they finally clean their faces but then they look into the pond and see their reflection and say "i am hideous." In the winter, they start playing baseball, but it is too cold to do anything so they just sit there and the commentators do all the work, imagining people having fun, like this:
"Oh man if teddy ruxpin were here he would be kickin' the goal line over from excitement! Look at that! A bird just flew away, i swear! Also, guess what? I just thought about a spaceship full of dragons crashing into an ASTEROID!!!!!"
Then finally, during the month of Summer, baseball players put down the hat and gloves, and get ready for next year (this includes some weightlifting).

BEST PLAYER: Johnald "Jayjay JJJ" Johnson, of the San Antioni "2NDBASERS". He hits a home run every time and he runs at the speed of light. he also can do a hand stand as seen here: youtube video link.

Anyway, baseball definitely exists, but I dont know things about it.

NEXT WEEK: "ALL YOUR FOOD IS MADE OF POISON" - A staunch look into the minds of your food makers who put a lil' poison in there just to sorta, i dunno, mess you up a little!!!

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