Hey everyone this is Sarges book XXX RECODED: UNDERRATED, it was found MISSING for like 5 years and now it is back. PLEASE ENJOY.
"XXX RECODED: UNDERRATED!"
All the ways u SUCK IT in the world of Life
by Sgt. Facepuncher, M.D.
The name is Sgt. Facepuncher, M.D. You may know me from various
Internet-Verite website such as MySPACE and MyKnife and Molewars Reload.
On these sites I teach u various things about LIFE, i teach u half of
current knowledge so far. This book is to EXPAND u MIND about this
life, I will use fowl words like CONIC'ed and other things but there
will be footnotes for the big words that u mind cannot handle, like a
teapot shot by a explaoding tip GRANADE. anyway ENjoy the book, but if u
dont like it, tell me with u address and i will send a damn exploder
fist via UPS hate-mail service and it will be C.O.D. 1 dumb life.
Please, take note of my Extreme well knowledge of an English person, u
probbaly dont know most of my words and slangs, so just keep reading and
pretend u know what i mean so ladeys come up to u and say sexy things.
when they say that u wisk them away to a life of romance, and dont
worry u dont have to thank sarge just when u are dancing with her if u
see me you must wink. Thats ALL i ask! Enjoy !
Chapter 1 - You Suck It
there are 2 types: Facepuncher and dogpuncher. You are the dogpuncher
type, which is means is: You have no COURAGE and HONOURE. It also
means in the face of robot russian army u will BUCKEL to the pressure
and basically spread em. Facepuncher type is rare, but super strong,
smart, intellegeint and POWERHOUSED. We facepuncher type like to smash
the opposition backinto the hell it came. I once painted a picture of
Presiden A. Liconlon, writign in agoney in hell. He was burning for his
stins of STUPIDITY, A-Class. Did u know he was prasied as a hero? FOR
WHAT, SMOKIN THE IRAQOIS ARMY? NiCE JOB some presiodnt if u ask me
which is why he burns in HELLWATER USA.
Back to the topic, you are
crap basicaly, a dead brown floaty in a river floating down the river.
Now I will go into some LOGIC PROOFS for this.
A. You suck it because if u fall down, u said, "LO! MY BLOODS"
B. Logic Proof #2: Let's take into account the punch accuracy
advantage simulator. I made the simulator. When i punch ur didgits
into the sims (aka, height, posture, relics, slogan, hump and hurdle),
all that comes up is a big white screen that says: THIS MAN=STINK HARD.
(the cpu language is a bit advanced for some of you types of MORNOS
out there, so).
C. For you types who actually pay attention in Mathematic Class u will know the following equation rings true:
(x + y) - f = z
X and Y represnet basic function parameters (i.e. jab, uppercut,
fireball, whatever) and F is usually the special move or known feature
(so for YOU f would be "fall down in a freezer and die"). Z is the
result u idiots for u idiots otu there.
You cannot argue witih
the numbers people! No matter how u punch it in, lets try with Hulk
Hogan's stats, and it will come up he sucks, watch, just watch:
(shirtrip + yellowanger) - fakemoustache = sarge wins with a grand slam finish!!!!
I did not expect that results!!!! Perhaps we should try a new
equation with a more of an equal opponent - "Sergeant" "Slaughter" (more
like deerboy if u ask me !)
laserhat) - deerriding(creepy) = sarge performes death defying FATALITY
move. Bonus savings cash is dropped from a fighter plane into Sarge's
Oh YEAH! It's a dazzling finish to the finish, i got that guys goat!
So, clearly, sarge ROCKS u hard in whatever. Which brings me to my next Chapter.
Chapter 2 - Le Political Ocean
for the metaphors those of you who are learning to comprehend basics of
Englrish. You probably look at my artistic endevour and say "this man
is crazy, but i like it." thats because its GOOD WRITING PEOPLE, they
dont Pay me this ice cold bar OF CASH$$$ for sitting in my chair so
This chapter is about debunking the myths about your dumb figures in american history. I will go in depth in each one.
CHRISTORPHER COLUMBINE: This kid sailed the ocean in 1492 to across
the pennsylvania strait. He was no match for the inca tribe who already
had that gun that the joker used to bring down the bat plane, and they
shot his ship from like 1000 yeards away, and he sank, drowned, and died
with a frown on his face. You are shocked that this hero of yours was
such a LOWLIFE.
II. George Herbert Washtington: Supposendly
this "man" craeted life on the underwater heimpshere by creating a
"democratic proclomation" of soverignty from the Untied Kingdom's
dictator in cheif, RUSS HAYMAKERS and his subsidiary company DOOM-BOLTS
Incoprorated. Allegedly this George Washington was a woman in disguise,
and paid for democracy in America. This was to much of a dislike to
the INDIANS who hated freedom and wanted GWB dead, fast. They didnt
know much (they sucked it HARD) but they did know how to ride the horse
and shoot a slingshot. This is how George finally bit the rubber so to
speak, when a small stone clocked him over the head, he started crying
and fell into the river, drowned, and died. This was known as a
FLAWLESS VICTORY back then, now we would call it a DOWNRIGHT ASSKICKING
in FLAMES. Both are true.
III. Mark Twain Atkins: One of the
only men in superpower positions to ever be able to read. He wrote 2
books both called "Book Read Ashore" which was boring and no one read
it, and I'm not going to waste any more time talking about this waste of
time. FATE: Knifed.
IV. Ooblek J. Salinger: This hippy
prosecutor wrote: "The Catcher in the Rye" which wasn't about sea life
but something just as wimpy: BASEBALL. thats right, the sport you Love
to hate. I dont know why this man is a prominent feature in American
history because all he did was write a book that sold a huge amount of
books (extrapolated). But what people don't know about this dogpuncher
is that he ended up walking the plank after being captured by zombie
pirates. My favorite part about this story is how the pirate's gun was
set to "safety setting" and the pirate didnt know it, moron. Ooblek
could have used a Tai Chi Kick Effect for maximum results, and then used
haymakers on all the other pirates until the ship was his, but instead
he went sploosh and is now FOOD for the JELLIES at the bottom of the
lake. You are let down to know that this american hero is nothing more
than a scrap of shoe leather on my leather shoe now.
V. Lincoln -
DONT GET ME STARTED ON THIS ABOMINATOR OF JUSTICE!!! He founded the
"Butter Frank Commisions" which was a secret fake name for the actual
thing, "EVIL COMMISIONS" where he spent 8 years of his life in Jail,
prison yards breaking license plates and singing sexy santa songs. The
beard worn by this TRAITOR is woven from 80% cotton and 20% polysaturate
fibers which is what the BIBLE wears. Thank god this guy was
eventually put through the Blood Machine and died.
Sosa - Perhaps I need to write a chapter on baseball? Because this guy
was the worst baseball player ever to grace american standard of
"Baseball." He once hit a ball SO far away from the players that it
went OUT of the stadium, killing 6. This guy is a monster and should be
shut away for at least 2 years before being murdered foul.
- THIS IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATS OF AMERICAN. I HAVE
CAPTURED SGT. FACEPUNCHER, M.D. AND I AM HOLDING HIM HOSTAGE. IF YOU
EVER WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN EMAIL TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS TO THE WHITE HOUSE
THE WHITE HOUSE
300 MILITARY DRIVE
BONJOUR AGAIN, AND THANK YOU AMERICAN FOLKS FOR HELPING CAPTUARE THIS INFORMATION TERRORISTE OF A GENERATION.
GEORGE HERBIRT WINGER BUN
RETORT! RETORT! SPECIAL INTERVIEW WITH SARGE FROM A SPACE GELCAP ON MARS!
Hi my name SPACE MAN JONE and i am communicating through Telecast
Space Radio, here now with Special Guest Sgt. Facepuncher M.D. Who joins
us through satellite from the White House DUNGEON!!!! Sarge hello.
Heaelo james, thank you for the interview I couldn't get any butter
down here so i have been toasting my bagels with SEWAGE, HA ha ha ha ha
INTERVIEWOR: Hey Sarge, nice joke!!!! Anyway whats it like being in the Castrated Dungeon of the Doom?
Well no one knows for sure but what I can says is that the president
comes down here every 20 minute to say something DUMB like he owns the
place. Hold on, i am getting a picture of a indian on the screen.
INTERVIEWOR: Whoaly Momma! Don’t show my kids those *laughter* *unintellegibels*
SARGE: HAHAHAHA *unintelleigbels* SHE IS HOTTER! LOOK AT THOSE CONDORS ON THAT ONE
INTERVIEWOR: I WOULD HAVE SEX WITH HER WITHOUT HER PERMISSION Sarge, do you have any friends in Jail?
I met one man, BILLY CRUSHHOUSE goes by the street name of
Z-RAD-ICATOR X –THOUSAND, but IN MY OPINION he needs a better name
because he can’t crush a house he cant even crush a freaking PAINT BALL
for gods sake. Billy.
BILLY: OZZEY OZWALD RUULESS! HA HA HA
INTERVIEWOR: WHAT HAPPEN TO OUR INTERVIEW? NOW IT IS LIKE BECOME A GAY GANG?
this is just my frined BILLY the only man STRONG enough to break out
of this prison, not only one time he ate a whole cup of mustard and
passed out from the poison mustard I put in there, but also hes STRONG.
BILLY: I thought it was FROZEN YOGUART!!! NOTHING IS DELICIOUS FOR MY TASTE
OK well right now in Space it is time for the daily space prayer. In
space we have to say a prayer to Lordy the Alien God. Thank you for
your Business Interview.
SARGE & BILLY: ...
*** THIS IS ALL of the book that exists I think!