Monday, September 3, 2012

Sarge Mansion

Hey guys.  Just wanted to let you all know that I took up Archeitecture as a new hobby.  I am gonna build my own house!!  It's been too long that I have lived in the presidential dungeon.  A man of my phyiscque deserves a really cool house!   Coolhouse blues doot doororeodee! :o)

Okay so without any further ados and adonts heres the MANSION!

LAYOUT

The mansion is cool in that it actually when viewed from above reads "Sarge is The best" in script.  My friend said it is cool.  the way it works is that people walk in through the S and its a lonnnnnng path to the very end.  It's all on 1 floor so Good luck carashing any blimps into it!!!!  Blimps are garbage, they will never destroy my home.  I hate blimbs and they're stupid!  Damn blimps!

ROOM #1

When u first walk in, there's an axe that comes up chopping through the floor (like chop chop chop chop chop sort of).  If you walk through there u are gonna get chopped for sure.

ROOM #2

It looks like a normal, completely empty room.  Then you walk halfway through and WHAM!  You get hit IN THE FACE with a HUGE log.  that'll kill ya :)

ROOM #3

this room is just FULL of fire

ROOM #4

Soldiers have been hired and are trained to shoot anyone who tries to make it through THIS caucous room.  Step one foot in, get sniped.  Your buddy tries to save you?  Also sniped, head shot, you're both dead!!!!

ROOM #5

This room looks like a hospital.  You walk in and a doctor says "hi patient, please lied down on this table".  Only then he takes out a damn Medical buzz saw and saws your head off and kicks it into a basket labeled "garbage".  then he inserts a needle into your vein... and carefully adminsters a poisonous concoction:  that's right - lethal injection, little lady!.  Too bad u tried to INVADE THE WRONG HOUSE!!!

ROOM #6

There's a huge diamond on a pedestal.  and it looks like no one's guarding it.  As soon as you touch the crystal though I chuck a grendade at your face and blow it to smithereens Asswipe.

ROOM #7

Storage room, mostly flamethrower ammo & Gun cartridges & a knife.  If you try to go in here I have a tripline, which will trigger all the guns to shoot at a bomb destroying the entire building.  Nice try, Waldo!

ROOM #8

Poison gas

ROOM #9

This is the workout room!  When you walk in theres a pool.  Water's fine so you feel "oh while im here I'll just go for a dip, sarge shouldn't be home before noon!!!"  Yeah well guess what, I'm already in the pool, floating around, with a giant harpoon gun.  The SECOND you go under the water and see me I start shooting harpoons at you.  You escape from your life, just barely, when very suddely you are STRUCK with a harpoon!!!  And then a giant squid comes and electriutes you causeing all your causmetic imlpants to explode.

ROOM #10 Final Room

If you made it to the last room in the building you must have been strong so here's where I will be sitting on a giant chair.  I will ask you questions slowly and calmly and you will be really nervous with sweat pouring out of your pants leg. This is because I have a revolver and its pointed at you and still smoking from the LAST guy who came in here.  The line of questioning is like "do you wanna work for sarge as a right hand man?"  and then no matter what you say, I press a button on the side of my revolver which opens a trap door that releases a baker's dozen of LIONS.  You are like "no sarge please" but its too late.  But then you releasize that this is actually a Test!  And you start fighting the lions with your halberd.  You're doing battle and you defeat several of them fighting valiamtly when suddenly I just shoot you in the back and you fall down and the lions eat you.


Anyway thanks for reading!  I hope you all enjoy my new home as much as I do.  Chances are, it's a fun place to live :D

Blimps suck,
 - Sarge

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